Wednesday, May 22, 2019
Loyalty is just a tattoo
Having to realize that not everyone means what they say Is a hard Idea to fathom when youre more or lessone who means everything they say. This past summer I establish out my boyfriend had been cheating on me. To me this was the hardest news to swallow, to think the individual you trusted with everything, who was your backbone and your shelter In midst of the storm was not barely thinking about you and saying, l fare you to only you but to someone else as well.Instantly my world turned upside down, I ad to face the cosmos of the news I had found out. He apologized of course and in the end decided that I was the best choice for him, he wanted to make things plow and go forward in our relationship, but how do you begin to trust again? Where do you start? Is he sincere this conviction? So many questions running through and through my head so much hurt and pain sboulder clay. From then on I have guarded my heart like the grace it is and protected it from anyones harm. This situ ation elicited the most change on me because never will I ever love the same.I take my life twenty-four hours by day now, planning a future with someone Is so cliche similarly me. Had to realize that forever really is not forever and that relationships are day by day, anything could happen tomorrow. People change every day, they meet new faces all the time I feel as if someone finds a person who fits your spot in there life and who plays the role better will become your replacement and you will become nothing but a memory, to some people what means everything to them today can, become nothing to them tomorrow and thats just how some people are.Reminiscing on the days when I thought people waited till they were 21 to drink. Couples waited until they were married to have sex, people didnt do drugs. I thought you would always end up marrying your soul mate, I thought your friends were your friends and they would never render your side, that everyone you said I love you too would say it back, and that your love story will end up like the movies. Its good crazy how you grow up with all this love and hope in your heart and then youre thrown into what you think Is a twisted. KC and cold world but Its actually in force(p) life and you Just have to live It. In my head I tell myself Im still the same person I was a year past but in all reality Im not. This situation caused me to become more sensitive and more protective of myself more than anything. Never did I realize that a person could cause so much Inner pain and there was no cure, no David or Misspoken can fix this boo boo, but too face the reality of it all, and over time hoping to get better. My approach is sterner in dealing with certain situations, I feel as if people take me thoughtful that they will knowIm not the type to mess around with and will not play games. I quickly closed my heart and right now thinking about forever with someone Is Just put on the backbencher for now. Trusting someone has neve r been so hard until now. You never know whats going through the other persons mind and there honest intentions with 1 OFF be more to myself and not trust anybody but God. I Just play the role, and Just make it seem as if Im okay but deep down inside Im hurting everyday and I always ask myself what did I do wrong to make him want to cheat? Does he really love me?Does he deserve this second chance? Its eating at me all the time and I Just want the truth but no one seems to know the answer. That to me is what is affecting me the most. That causes me to zone out, get distracted, cry at night, ignore and stab away anybody who tries to get to know me. Im not sure how long will I be hurt or when I will find halt to my situation but it this has had the biggest impact on me this summer. The scariest thing about loyalty is that everyone has their own explanation of it. When I thought of my boyfriend I thought he was the most loyal of them all.I thought he would be different from the rest and that he could prove to me that all guys were not the same. When he said he love me I believed it, when he said he had my back I believed it, when he said he was loyal to me and only me I believed it but when all these emotions that I thought were so pure turned out to have flaws. I had begun to think maybe he was not lying and that he was exhibiting his own definition of love, compassion and loyalty or maybe he had been hurt before and his heart is guarded ND never realized instead of being the heartbroken became the heartbreak.Then I try to analyze the situation like I do all situations but still till this day I cannot come up to a conclusion as to why He would do that and maybe I will never know the real reason or never will I know the whole truth but for now I have to face the reality of it and in hopes to move on and be able to love again someday. The reality of it all is that not everybody means what they say, everyone has their own definition of love and that forever does not exist in this love story.